WTF Jamie?

In case you don't know this about me already, I love movies! Even more so I love going to the movies.  I have gone to 10 movies so far this summer with 6 more on my must see list.  I often go alone and to honest prefer going alone.  It is my escape. I can go into this big, dark room and shut out the rest of the world.  I will see anything because I get lost in movies like people get lost in books.  Every realistic and documentaries are an escape for me.  A movie can help me express emotions that I suppress because of the fear I have of burdening the world with me and my complex bag.   I have been in a funk the last few days, well honestly the last few months. I find it harder and harder to keep the cheery and often optimistic attitude that has become my calling card.  I honestly can sometimes feel myself slipping so I use the movies as a way to run away from my own harsh realities and live in someone else's world for a few hours. There I can be the dashingly handsome man who fights for love without rolling over and surrendering.  The man who dares to live out his wildest dreams. I can be in action packed movie or unrealistic movie where issues of our day to day life do not exist.  In movies, the poor man can succeed, love conquers all and evil is always overpowered by good.

I received a phone call this week from my mother. I found this rather odd because she is not the one to do the calling, you must contact her, well unless she wants something.

First off she wanted to inform me that she has be given a promotion to a larger post office. Great now she controls more people. She also informed me that the local once a week paper in that town ran a front page article on her and her new position and how there was a few sentences about me in there. Stop the presses...what do I have to do with this?

It also was to my surprise that she also wanted to inform me she was going to Dallas. This seemed like normal news to me because she travels a lot due to her position with the post office. She is not only a post master but also leads the state audit team and has to travel a great deal to workshops and do perform audits. The punch line came after she informed me of her destination. "No one from works knows where I am going" "What?", I replied. The she went for the kill. "I have been asked to speak at the annual Mary Kay Convention." I had to hold the tears back because I knew this was important to her and I try not be mean to her, although she use to love to stomp on my dreams I try never to sink to her level. So I gasped for air and asked, "congratulations! What are you speaking about?" She said, "I have no idea but they called me and I am the top performer for my region and asked me to speak".

I should be happy for her because she was so excited but all I kept thinking was, you are missing work to talk about make-up? I guess my biggest fear in this whole conversation is that overlords of MK have given her more power and recognition and there will be no end to her reign of terror by make-up.

I think my curse in life is the play mediator and try and make everyone happy. It is a constant battle I face and it times it is too much for me to take and I wig out. I hate people to be mad at me or unhappy so I am often compromising or just giving up. Often I have nothing to do with the situation at all yet try and bring people to a compromise. Some say a gift I say I am cursed. I can't believe I ever worked in staffing cause talk about playing mediator. No wonder I hated that job. I always give in and always let the other one win cause it just takes too much time and energy to fight. I have been doing it all my life. The oldest child of divorced parents will do that do you. I always was having to deliver messages to the other side or defend the others actions in their absence. That is a lot of mental work for a ten year old. Now my parents live about 40 minutes apart from one another and when I go home I spend the time trying to see everyone and making sure everyone gets and equal share or I never hear the end of it. It is no wonder I avoid going home. I feel like I could use my powers to at least make more money. Like a labor negotiator or peace talks in the Middle East.

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

Ok I am so going to piss someone off with this, but since no one reads my page I feel safe enough to write it.

If you have read any of my past entries you know I believe in legalizing gay marriage. Do I think this is going to strengthen the institution of marriage? Hell No. I believe in equal rights and not granting those rights is treating homosexuals as second class citizens. Straight people have destroyed marriage. The divorce rate in this country is at an all time high. Oh but my parents aren't divorced you say, well good for you. I bet you do not have to think real hard to come up with 5 of your friends whose parents are divorced. The state of marriage is in complete shambles. Today television is filled with short lived Hollywood marriages, reality marriage shows and Divorce Court. What the gay population wants is to show that they live normal lives and that they love just like everyone else. This very true, they also fall out of love just as fast as everyone else. There is no way that gay marriage will strengthen the institution just like there is no way gay marriage will weaken it. Some will make it and to them I say alright, but many will fall short. I myself make no plans for marriage, my parents showed my how much fun all that crap is and I will pass on it thank you.

So I am all for gay marriage. The gay community pays taxes just like everyone else and should be allowed to make the same mistakes as everyone else. End of discussion.

Cause sometimes we just need one. No this is NOT one of my political tirades. It is just what it says, a Wake Up Call. All too often I drift from day today like a dream content of what life serves me. While inside there is this voice saying, "WTF Jamie? this is so not who you are!" So here I am taking back the reins and giving that other guy a big old slap in the face WACK! (don't you miss the old Batman show from time to time?) If you ask some people who their enemy is they will often say time, well I say BS. Our enemies are pessimism,Procrastination and Motivation. Well today I just used my utility belt to wipe them away. Today I set some goals and because I have nothing to hide I would like to share them with you, like to hear?,here it go....

1. My favorite time of the year is approaching, no not figure skating, college football. Before you start this sure bit. Ask any of my close friend what a freaking football nut I am.
I am going to see my tigers take on the canes in warm Miami in November (this trip is all but a done deal but I have to make sure it is done)

2. Spend a long, relaxing weekend in Charleston soon. (this one is for you Jennifer)

3. Try to learn something totally new..i.e. a instrument or foreign language

4. Get my white butt to Europe before next summer

5. Stop being so go with the flow, be more aggressive with people (ok that one sounds mean but I am such a push over)

6. Get involved. So many causes that want to support and now is the time to do it.

7. Make a difference


Some have more details than others but it is a blue print and this time next year I want to be able to start a whole new list, and wow you with my musical stylings on the accordion...just kidding, well maybe.

All of these are lofty ideas. I would like to think that I am these things and at times I am but I often fall short of the 100% mark. As I enjoyed living in America and celebrating all she gives me so openly I reflected on some of these ideas. My inspiration came from a great documentary I saw over the holiday weekend, (no, it wasn't Fahrenheit 911) Control Room. I am not going to write a review about this movie so look it up if you don't know what it is about. Patriotism is not an American idea but all too often we as Americans think that everyone else wants to be us and that no one else is proud of their country. It took a proud Arab man to bring this idea home. Here is a man who believes in American Democracy (the ideal, not the reality that falls so short) and yet he loves his country and cares so much for its people that he is willing to speak out against not only a former Iraqi dictator but also against the US. Both parties are guilty of not caring about the people of Iraq. It took this man in a far off place to ring home my faith in what democracy can do.

I believe in media objectivity but realize that it is an ideal that never happens.

I am optimistic that I will find love,that I won't get sick,that my tigers will win 10 games this season but more importantly I am optimistic that the American people can stop this war of personal gain and senseless killing.

I know that with new leadership that there will be world order again and the UN can do their job with out being bullied by the US.