WTF Jamie?

I have come to the realization that everyone is crazy but some of us repress it better than others. The strange part is the grip to remain sane in others eyes is maddening itself. Ah bitter irony. What if we let go, loosen the grip and see where the road takes us? I ask myself that question several times a week. I am driving somewhere and out of the blue a voice in my head says "just keep going and see where the road takes you."

I saw Running with Scissors this weekend and I have to say I was pleased. The acting was terrific but what I loved most was people left saying "that was not as funny as I thought it was going to be" or "that was a bit disturbing." Thank you for capturing exactly how I felt after I read that book. It was not a funny story but more of a lost childhood with funny moments.

I think the lack of a emotional and physical relationship has taken it's toll. I take steps forward but end up just cowering in the corner somewhere, hiding in seclusion. The phone rings less, the desire leaves and I am left with some carnal rage mixed with emotional and terminal repercussions. The idea that I could hurt someone I care about is too frightening to handle so I keep it all inside like we are taught to do. As of late my relationships are splitting time between my computer, my playstation, my IPOD and Tivo. I can feel the room shrinking and the scariest part is I find comfort in it. My ability to perform socially is slipping away and I find some peace with that reality.

My top songs at the moment:

1. Grazed Knees - Snow Patrol
2. It Won't Make it Easier - Small Sins
3. Catch the Sun - The Doves
4. Your Heart is an Empty Room - Death Cab for Cutie
5. The Ring Song - The Bravery
6. Caring is Creepy - The Shins
7. Neighborhood #2 (Laika)- Arcade Fire
8. Munich - The Editors
9. Time to Dance - Panic at the Disco
10. Mad World - Donnie Darko Soundtrack