WTF Jamie?

Some people act ugly in the name of God. I always thought that Christianity was about kindness. The Supreme Court ruled yesterday that the "10 Commandments" can be display for historical purposes on courthouse grounds but not in the the courtroom itself. In a way no one wins this fight because one sides says that one ruling is unfair and the other feels jilted as well. Two words, grow up.

I read reader responses in the AJC and I was blown away by how some self-proclaimed Christians acted. One women even said that America is Christian and if you don't like it get out!
Talk about God is love and Christian kindness. She is right, America is Christian, America is also Jewish, Muslim and a slew of other things. The other thing I found interesting is the the words "In God we Trust" did not appear on currency until the 1950s and that many of the found fathers were in fact atheist.

What I guess I don't understand is why these people see everything as all or nothing? Why can't more than one idea exist, why does under God mean under "your" God an not mine? I also don't understand why it is ok to pick and choose the "laws" of the Bible? I think more fathers should sell their daughters into slavery and we should return to stoning people who work on Sunday. That could be fun, maybe it could be the 700 Club's way into the reality TV biz.

No matter party lines or religious affiliation what I see lacking in this country is understanding. No one takes the time to try and understand and accept someone different. I thought our differences were what made this country so great.

Tolerance and acceptance people, please!

However, since there is a freedom of religion in the country and since Men's Workout is kind of like my version of the Bible could I get the 10 steps to a stronger back put on some structure outside the courthouse here? Or maybe I could convince some of my Jewish friends to have the Star of David somewhere on the grounds? Hey it only fair, right? Be careful what you push for because you just may open the flood gates.

Things that make me smile:

An excited friend
a random trip
Clemson
a cold Margarita on a hot day
"heroes" by the Wallflowers ( I know it is a cover but their version makes me happy, I can't begin to explain why)
Silliness
The Three weird habits of Taylor (you know that is odd don't you?)
Warm Days
Getting caught in the rain
Skylines
My sister
Seafood

You don't think I notice but I do
I don't understand the motive but the actions don't go unnoticed.
By now I have my guard up
You baffle me......

Move over "Honkey" cause this is my new aspiration for someone to call me!

This past weekend I decided to drive to the farm and spend Father's Day with my dad. I love time with him because what he lacked in fathering skills he more than makes up for in friendship. I treasure this unique relationship we have. I often worry that I get to busy for him and it makes me sad so I was happy once I made it to Wilson that he agreed to take off work(Saturday) and spend the day with me. I decided that we would drive on to Charleston and have lunch with my sister. Unfortunately, she had to work all day but it was nice to spend a little time with her. We met up at the Anchor Line on Folly Beach, scallops, shrimp and shark, the major S foods of my seafood eating binges. If there was Sea Crab Soup I might have exploded! After parting ways with Jen my father and I went onto the beach and walked for a while looking at the ocean. He dared me to get in and I was not going to miss the chance to act like a fool so I did. The salt water took me back to my summers of childhood playing up and down the South Carolina coast, then to that summer I spent playing on Pawley's Island with Carter, knowing that when come fall I was no longer just a high school graduate but now a college Freshman.

My stroll was cut short by a summer storm and we went back to my truck which I got stuck in the sand and two "surfers" had to help get us out.

As we drove along the neighborhoods of Folly I began to think how much I miss being so close to the ocean. How I long for the smell of salt in the air, how my life long dream was to live at the beach. If things were different, had I made better decisions I might even be there now. I love Charleston for all it offers and for all the memories it keeps for me. I guess it will just have to remain my home away from home, for now.

It is a phrase I have heard very often as of late. My mother said it Sunday before I got out the door. It was so strange to hear it come out of her mouth because she avoids anything serious and usually changes the subject. Truth is we do need to talk but I just need her to be mature and for once be maternal. She needs to understand that I am not going to be the man she wants me to be. Her critiquing of the mess I have made and the failure she will see will only further destroy hope in learning to live the time I have left with any hope of bravery and self dignity. I pride myself on my strength with this yet I cower away when I think of my family knowing. I remember the last time I tried to open up to her, when I was sad, when Nick had said goodbye for the last time. Her words were harsh, she told me she only wanted to hear about the good things and that if there were no good things then just talk about the weather. Now she wants to talk, she says a mother knows and we need to discuss my future. Frankly I don't care what she thinks.


As for my other discussions. I know what I need to do. These people mean a great deal to me and want to these relationships to work. It is amazing the effort that others put into me and that I to them. If only she could be that mature.

Ok finally Teri Schiavo can rest. What have I learned? #1 I need to make a living will and #2 I am very happy that Senator Frist is not my doctor. Let's, pardon the pun, examine this for a second. First of all he goes around saying he is a doctor and he can tell just by looking at some old video footage that this poor women is not brain damaged. Well I don't have a MD but I hope that the majority of doctors out there are not using video for examinations. SCARY!!!! Secondly, HE WAS WRONG!!!! I mean dead wrong and after he went parading around telling us he is a doctor! Now he had his spoke person say he was not diagnosing her. BS, he was all over the news and there plenty of tape proving that was exactly what he was trying to do. I find it very cowardly that he sends he spokes person to address the media after he made us look at his mug for days telling us he is a doctor and he knows this and that from a video. I hope America remembers all this in 08 when we start seeing those Frist for President signs. At least Delay has an excuse, this time, he is an exterminator he knows rats and roaches which I guess is why he is a Bushie! The last point I want to make is about the level of professional journalism FOX NEWS had by throwing another doctor on TV who they claimed was nominated for a Nobel Prize and he wasn't. They lied, shocking I know but where is the professional responsibility? The channel uses no ethics in their reporting and I honestly can get the same level of news from the Cartoon Network!

Once again we have been mislead and misguided by representatives of this current administration. WMDS, Memos, "medical and environmental experts", gay prostitute White House reporters. When will America wake up to the lies and deception? I hope it is before anymore damage is done.

This article appeared today:

http://news.yahoo.com/s/washpost/public_broadcasting_targeted_by_house


While I was reading this, for some strange reason, the first image that came to my mind was all of Sesame Street in garbage cans. How sad. Then I thought of the political cartoons to follow with all the puppets in garbage cans sitting outside the White House.

Characters that have for generations have been loved by people world wide. A show that taught many of us not only how to count and read but also taught us tolerance and understanding of the world and people of different colors and cultures may be forced to end because they don't fit the agenda of a morally corrupt government hell bent on stamping out anything that would educate the masses in a positive manner. The Bush Administration is wanting to dumb down America (even more than it already is) because an uninformed person will not push for change.

So what is next for PBS? Well if W and his axis of evil have their way it will be some all white puppet cast of wealthy, "christen," Texas, oilers who teach the masses that they should like working for minimum wage at Wal-Mart.

Today I decided to break away from normal writing when I am in a mood and instead insert some lyrics from a song that sums up my mood for the past few days. It is insincerely apologetic and manic, while at the same time critical and defensive.

"This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home
With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25
This is the straw, final straw in the
Roof of my mouth as I lie to you
Just because I'm sorry doesn't mean
I didn't enjoy it at the time
You're the only thing that I love
It scares me more every day
On my knees I think clearer
Goodness knows I saw it coming
Or at least I'll claim I did
But in truth I'm lost for words
What have I done it's too late for that
What have I become truth is nothing yet
A simple mistake starts the hardest time
I promise I'll do anything you ask...
.......this time"

Chocolate
Snow Patrol

My Dad and I have always been more like friends and less like father and son. He never really had the parental instinct (neither did my mother for that matter) but we were able to bond over certain common interest and I love him very dearly even if I am not always the best at showing it. With my grandfather becoming ill my father has had to deal with a lot and sadly I have not seen him since January. I miss him and have been a little down since I did not make it to see him on his birthday. So I decided to write this entry for him.

The best Father's Day ever did not ever take place on Father's Day, in fact it happened over Labor Day Weekend 1991. My parents divorced in 1986 (they told us on Mother's Day but that is a another story) and since we moved an hour away I did not really see him except on the weekends I spent with him. Early on that was every weekend. He has a landscaping business and I would work the weekends with him. As I started to get older and hanging out with my friends on the weekends our visits became less frequent.

Well for this particular weekend we had planned a trip with all of my dad's family to the mountains. Everyone was meeting up there on Friday. As it happens I had auditions that Friday and could not leave school early. My father needed to finish a job so he decided to pick me up and we would ride together just the two of us (my sister road with one of my aunts).

During the drive we talked about nothing particular. I remember how foggy the Smoky Mountains were and thinking how I take things like this for granted at times. It was at this point that the trip became so memorable. Traveling through the small towns we became lost. Now usually when people become lost they worry but instead my father and I made the most of our extra time together. We stopped to laugh at Maggie Valley's Ghost Town in the Sky and the Santa Land amusement park. We thought about stopping at one of 6 places that claimed to have the world's greatest views of the Smoky Mountains but they were always some rotted boards stretched out over the mountain side that to us looked like they might give us a closer view than anyone would want.

The point wasn't that we went an hour out of the way, or were stared at by some threatening looking locals. What sticks in my mind is that we were laughing together and sharing memories that only the two of us have. Something that can never be broken or taken away.

As time takes its toll of both of us I will always look back at this moment and smile at the greatest gift my father ever gave me.

My absence has not been exactly because I have been busy. Honestly I was extremely busy with the Emory Weekend planning but it is not an excuse for the whole delay. I have been dishonest but at the same time dry, unmotivated and reserved. I started writing in other places, scattering my thoughts in little nooks and crannies all over. I write here for therapy but as of late I feel a bit exposed.

Like all good affairs the thrill is gone and I have returned back to the base of stability, the rock and foundation.

Random events since we last spoke:

* Emory Weekend completed and by all accounts a success
* Surprise visit from Rob Handel and friends turns into a great time and lustful for others
* Episode III on opening day is less geeky and more childish fun
* Fear often plays tricks with me
* Another 3 months and still holding steady
* Snow Patrol was good, 2 concerts and dancing at Mary's on a Thursday night is better. Thanks Kyle
* Sometimes tacky is fun (i.e. hickies)
* Met a boy who is sweet, kind, and accepting. I am lost.
* Sally Struthers is right, we all do want to make more money.
* See Tarnation but not alone.

Never think you know what is going to happen. I was sure I knew that things were going to be rough. I knew in my mind that they would say it was time to seek other options, but here I am holding steady. Well I never am never really steady. Always in a state of motion but this time I know I have risen.