WTF Jamie?

It is a phrase I have heard very often as of late. My mother said it Sunday before I got out the door. It was so strange to hear it come out of her mouth because she avoids anything serious and usually changes the subject. Truth is we do need to talk but I just need her to be mature and for once be maternal. She needs to understand that I am not going to be the man she wants me to be. Her critiquing of the mess I have made and the failure she will see will only further destroy hope in learning to live the time I have left with any hope of bravery and self dignity. I pride myself on my strength with this yet I cower away when I think of my family knowing. I remember the last time I tried to open up to her, when I was sad, when Nick had said goodbye for the last time. Her words were harsh, she told me she only wanted to hear about the good things and that if there were no good things then just talk about the weather. Now she wants to talk, she says a mother knows and we need to discuss my future. Frankly I don't care what she thinks.


As for my other discussions. I know what I need to do. These people mean a great deal to me and want to these relationships to work. It is amazing the effort that others put into me and that I to them. If only she could be that mature.