WTF Jamie?

I know I normally talk in circles and make little sense of things but this entry is just a brain purge. I ride the emotional short bus and this is my dump truck of sorts. It may speak to you or it may just seem like a jumbled mess but hey that's me....

Flooded with emotions of confusion and excitement, of jealousy and bitterness, I open my heart to a brilliant darkness. It consumes me. I am neither lost nor mapped but in a state of emotional flux. People drift around me like ghost of the past as well as spirits of my future. Haunted with those of the past and at times frightened of those in my future. Your face is there and will not leave me. I am fine with you there but what does that mean? What am I being told and why does it feel right at the wrong time?

Beyond the reach of one individual there stands more. This time faces I love but never can complete. Always this sense that I have disappointed them, my friends, my loved ones. I investigate only to find even more anguish and sorrow. I strive for their happiness in my existence and wonder why the darkness follows me here?

This is for you... All of you. For all the love that stops just short and can never be what we want. It is for her and him and them and you. The faces that give me warmth with their smiles but often haunt my dreams. I love you.